A Letter From The Heart

I know I have totally neglected my blog for... A while now. First James got an ear infection (I mentioned that here previously). After the ear infection, the flu struck us all. It was horrible. After the flu passed, James just didn't get better. All he wanted to do for over one week was sit on my lap ALL DAY LONG. And every night he would throw up. To be completely honest with you, I was TERRIFIED. He was in urgent care twice and they did nothing for us. Then he saw the pediatrician. We did blood work, we did blood work again, we took X-rays, and we did a urine sample. All his tests came back good. So what was wrong with him? We were stumped and I was a nervous wreck.

Yesterday I finally got my answer. His urine sample came back showing signs of infection. A UTI. While I hate knowing that my little guy has been suffering from this, I am so happy we now have our answer. And an answer that can be healed! Last night I picked up his medicine and I believe he is on the road to recovery.

He hasn't thrown up since Sunday but he is SO fussy and so easily irritable. Apparently UTI's can cause vomit and irritability so we really think once the meds kick in he will start feeling more like himself again.

I want to tell every single person reading this who is a parent, or someday will be a parent, to always remember that YOU ARE YOUR CHILD'S ADVOCATE. If you find yourself in a similar situation like I was, and you don't get answers, you keep going to different doctors. You demand that tests be done and you keep fighting for your child until you find the answers you need and your child is healed.

Honestly, the past two plus weeks have been really rough for me. My husband is working out of town, I don't have family near me, and my little boy was sick with one thing after another. What got me through was God. I leaned on him, I prayed every minute of practically every day, and I told God to take my burden because I was putting my faith and trust in him to heal my child.

I am so fortunate that I had good friends and family as well as my online community to pray for us. For that I am so thankful. My mom, bless her heart, came up here to stay with us this week so I could have some much needed help and rest.

Last night as I was driving to CVS to pick up James' prescription, the song "Here Comes The Sun" came on the radio and I broke down in happy tears. "Gone are the dark clouds that had you down.. It's gonna be a bright, bright, bright, sun shiny day..." I went through a rough time of watching James take X-rays, drawing blood from his tiny arm, and visit doctors every week... And now we have an answer as simple as a bladder infection. Sometimes something so simple can be overlooked and I am so happy it is something so minor that can easily be fixed.

Tomorrow we go back to his wonderful pediatrician to do a follow up and make sure the meds are working properly and hopefully we won't catch any other germs anytime soon because we've had our fair share.

I really leaned on this passage from James these past two weeks and wanted to share it with you. Fitting that it was from the book of James.


"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do."

During this "time" I realized something. That NOTHING really matters except the health of my child and my family. I wasn't on my phone at all. I just sat and held my sick little guy. And I realized something- in a perfect world we should all just throw away our phones. I realized that I spend way too much time on social media sites. I am embarrassed to admit that there have been plenty of times that James grabs my face with his little hands and forces me to look at him because IM NOT PAYING ATTENTION. This realization really made me feel horrible. What have I been doing? I would rather read a strangers blog than pay attention to my kid sometimes. I would rather check Instagram countless times than play with my child. What is wrong with me?! What is wrong with all of us?!

I am putting a stop to this. The fact that I care so much about other people's lives, checking my Facebook, scanning pictures on Instagram, means something needs to change. My first priority is my son. Plain and simple. From now on, my phone goes away every single day except if James is sleeping. And even then, I should do my house work and read my bible first. My phone comes last. I refuse to miss out on anymore of my sons childhood.

God is so good. I know he showed me the light and the error of my ways through this whole ordeal. There is a reason behind everything and even in dark times, God will bring light of it and teach you something.

I hope you all are healthy and happy and spending time with your family today! And I apologize if this letter sounds crazy and harsh. I felt the need to share it.